There is a moment when she talks about our numbing of fear and shame with food, alcohol, prescription and so-called ‘recreational’ drugs, as well as any number of other things such as exercise (never my personal choice but there's not accounting for some...), sex and any other things we do to effectively go unconscious in our lives.
For a few years I have been toying with the question of whether I may be an alcoholic, as sauvignon blanc is definitely my anesthetic of choice.
But recently it’s become a problem. Not a three-day-black-out-wake-up-in-a-crashed-car-in-my-parent's-driveway kind of problem; more of a ‘Sure, I will have a glass of wine… oh, where did the bottle go?’ kind of problem. One moment I’m enjoying my first glass of wine; the next the bottle is finished and I am craving peanut butter sandwiches.
I recently asked a friend if he thought I was an alcoholic. His answer was: ‘No. Alcoholics go to meetings. You my friend, are a drunk.’
He was joking (of course...) but I was mortified. Being an alcoholic was suddenly NOT the worst thing I could be – that, at least, is a social issue or a disease. But being a drunk? That’s just sad...
So starting today (as opposed to starting on Friday, which failed dismally), I am not going to drink for a month and see what happens when I remain conscious in my life.
Will keep you updated.